The first word I remember liking in English without even truly understanding it, is Misfit. I always felt different as far as I can remember. I always felt out of place and did my best to be invisible. I was not much of a communicator as a kid or a teenage girl, I was withdrawn and not willing to engage with anyone but my siblings.
When I decided to take my life back in my 20s, I became an over communicator, I expressed everything I felt and there was no bottling it up for me anymore. I have this habit of swearing, it's the best way I found on a daily basis to just let go of all the anger I have accumulated since birth. There is a certain poetry in swearing and my dad is a master at it. I always found it fascinating and hilarious, his ability to insult someone in the most beautiful way. Anyway, it sounds way better in French. So, yes I communicate on a daily basis, about everything and I just say it as I feel it. I have noticed that some people have a problem with that, they simply don't want to know about your feelings and that is the way in London, people simply don't want to connect. That is when you feel isolated.
I have a very tight circle of family and friends and thank god to them, I am still here, I have not given up. These people love me no matter what, for who I am with my qualities and flaws and that is what I call being blessed. So yes, I do feel isolated in London sometimes because people do not communicate unless they're drunk but I have my crew to take me back to human connections. Everybody has been talking about mental health and how it is important to communicate but what I am witnessing is that all this talk is bullshit when there is no one to listen. People hide behind technology to avoid each other.
Technology is killing what is left of humanity, that is human contact. Your smartphone has become your best friend, you speak emojis and lose it when there is no wifi, that is what human beings are being reduced to.
That is where we're at. Not speaking to each other, not showing our feelings. It's the plague to end up reading articles of people ending their lives because they had no one to talk to when we have the best technology to communicate. Sad irony, high street shops are closing down, human are replaced by automated services and there are more and more apps to avoid human contact. I feel like a misfit more than ever because I still want to communicate and I will fight till the end because telling people how you feel could save your life.